Say howdy to the voices in my head for me, we're not on speaking terms at the moment.

   Sunday, January 18, 2004

"In just a few days, Tony Blair will finally face the monsters that have been stalking him since virtually the day he walked back into Downing Street for the second time."

BBC News

It's about bloody time too - I payed good money for those Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts to get him.

   Friday, January 16, 2004

We shall not cease from exploration,
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started,
And know the place for the first time

-TS Eliot

Yeah, so I kinda figured I would keep writing in here for a while at least. I was sitting last night with some friends of mine discussing this whole 'online diary' issue. At times I feel like it's the biggest waste of time ever - I mean, in all honesty, who ever reads these things? Okay, well you are now, but that's different, because you clearly have no life. It's also kind of pretentious in a way, believing that my life is of interest to anyone else in the world. Hell, it isn't of interest to me half the time, let alone you lot. The other side of it is of course that is is quite fun. In a strange way. Maybe the entire act of writing simply helps to release the built-up pressures inside of us that make us go crazy. Or...nah, it's Friday evening, no time for thinking.

Well, exams are now officially upon us. Bugger me. Not literally though - unless of course your an extremely hot looking chick. Everytime I look around me a see people worrying and revising and working and worrying. And then I think about how much work I'VE personally been doing. I'll give you a hint - think of the smallest number you can, half it, and then add it to the number of good television programmes ever on terrestrial TV. That's roughly the amount I've done. Hopefully *crosses fingers* I'll be able just to wing it though these exams like I've done for every single one I've had so far.
They say hard work won't kill you, but I for one am not willing to find out for sure.

   Tuesday, September 23, 2003

MUSIC: Ben Harper - Widow of a living man
MOOD: Excited

I wear my crown of thorns,
On my liar's chair,
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair.
Beneath the stain of time,
The feeling disappears.
You are someone else,
I am still right here.
-Johnny Cash - Hurt

Having relatives come round so that you can complain and retell everything that happened in the last few years is such a wonderfully cathartic experience. I've decided that I'm glad I don't live in close proximity with any of my nearest kin, that way you don't take them for granted, and you can dump all of your emotions onto them without fear of it rebounding back onto you again. Yep, you guessed it, (well, chances are you probably didn't, but hey, it's not my fault your mental processes aren't as polished as mine) my relatives have been and gone. My dad's sister from America and brother from Scotland came over to visit us, and have just departed.

Myself and America normally has a slightly, whats the best word for it...apathetic relationship. See, I really don't care what America does, and I'm sorry if that bruises some of your bloated ego's. When it comes to my aunt and uncle though, I recind everything nasty about the USA. My uncles a brilliant softly spoken small man, think of Dustin Hoffman in Death of a Salesman if you've ever seen it. Plus I think he's an undercover agent for the CIA, but thats neither here nor there. My aunt's cool too, she's constantly scolding my dad for eating too much fatty foods, which I find hilarious. Anyway, it's been about 3/4 years since we last saw them, so you come to appreciate them more. My uncle and aunt are the same, just located in Stirling, and slightly more well off - they have no children, which is a bonus when your their nephew, you really do look forward to birthdays and Christmas.

A lot of what we did was just sit around and talk, enjoying each others company, something which doesn't happen when you see them everyday, or at least to a lesser extent. It's also the thought that you mightn't ever see them again which hits you harder when they're farther away. When they leave nearby, you can become almost inured to their presence, and it's hard to grasp that they'll eventually pass on in life. Because death, like it or not, is a fact in this world, and as much as we might imagine, for example our granny, to live forever, to be blunt about it, she won't. There's plenty of time to be morbid however, and now aint one of them, I'm in too good a mood. So, where was I? Ah yes, I know now. My American relatives were really worried, because, much to our amusement, but understandably not to theirs, hurricane Isabel was about to hit their house in Virginia. Turns out all it did was knock over a few trees in their garden, but they were still anxious. Something about not being insured for flooding. I laughed anyway.

Not much else to report really. I'm sure that there was some deep and meaningful wisdom I had meant to impart in there somewhere, but it appears to have lost itself. Ah well, no doubt it'll turn up again somewhere, it's just up to you to find it.

   Thursday, September 18, 2003

MUSIC: Frente - Bizzare Love Triangle
MOOD: Cynical

Picture this scene. Boy sitting on computer, happily typing away.
"Tap tap. Tap. Tap tap, click"
"Will you nearly be finished with the computer?"
"Gimme a sec Dad, so I can finish writing this email"
"Just don't be too long"
"Yes yes, I hear yo...ACK, WHAT THE HELL?! Umm Dad? Have you ever recieved the message - 'Warning - A critical error has occured. Your computer has suffered irrevocable damage. There is nothing you can do to fix the problem.'
"It says WHAT?"

I could go off on a nice little tangent about the intransigence of fathers when it comes to faith in their children, but for now I'll stick to my main point. How on earth do things manage to break by themsleves, and with such astonishing regularity?
The other day I was putting dishes into our, admittedly decrepit, dishwasher, when all of a sudden the door fell off. Just like that. No warning. And of course it's my fault too. Then the remote control for the TV stops working. Now this one was of great importance, the Simpsons was about to start and we were on the wrong channel, and I certainly wasn't going to get up to change the channel on the TV itself, and my Mum had that steely stubborn glint in her eyes which suggested she wasn't going to either. Of course there was no mention of maybe just that the batteries had failed on the remote, no no, it was my fault.
It just gets a bit tiring after a while, with everything constantly screwing up. And no matter how many times you swear at it, you plead with it, you huff with it, all the normal stages of persuasion, the damned thing simply refuses to work. it's not to just limited to material objects either, oh no, that would make life too easy. Relationships as well suffer the same problem. Everything is going fine, then BOOM, it's not anymore, and who's fault is it? Muggins here. So I've come up with this conclusion. With regards my life, everything breaks down on schedule.

   Monday, September 15, 2003

Do you ever get the feeling that life lulls you into a false sense of security, and then when your least expecting it, it turns round, puts on it's size 12 boots with steel toe-caps, and kicks you in the mouth? If you have - welcome to my world.

Here's the story. I'm good friends with this guy and his family. Conversation one day got round to another family they new well, let's call them family X. Anyway, I was partnered with family X's younger son through a buddy scheme so it was all like, oh yeah, cool. Later on, back at the ranch, I was fixing up dad's old record player. Asked where he got it from, and he said family X. It took a sec to sink in, but I remembered and was all 'wow, you know them too?' My sister had heard this convo, and she interrupted, mentioning that she had been friends with a member of family X who was in her year. Then my sis also recalled that her best friend babysits for them too. Well knock me down with a huge iron mallet. What are the chances of this? FIVE people, in completely unrelated ways, all knowing this one family without realising it. Drove me mad. So I did the only thing I could, being ostensibly British. I had a cup of tea and thought about it.

It's these little unconnected things that make you realise that maybe after all things aren't just coincidences. Okay, it's not on the same scale of impossible coincidences as say, Creation over evolution, which argues that the chances of all this evolving on Earth is like a whirlwind whipping pieces of machinary together into a working Boeing 747. But still, it's about as likely as say a strong wind blowing a cup, hot water and a teabag all into the same place and then stirring it. Which isn't very, is it? So whatddya think, is there a grand plan for things, or do we just womble along, chance and happenstance reigning supreme? I'll wait for that cup of tea to decide.

Heard a while ago on the news, the main story no less, that a half-sister of the tennis famous William's sisters had been shot and killed. In a move which shocked my nicey-nice sister, I declared my complete lack of sympathy. Call me cold-hearted, but there is a point I'm trying to make somewhere. People die every day. Four people died today in a road accident in Scotland. Yet the William's sister takes precedence. Why? Money. Fame. And this is what makes me quite irate. See, I view human life on a par. Why in the 7 shades of hell should I care more about this William's sister than I should about the four people in the car accident, or indeed the thousands of other people who have undoubtedly died today. The media certainly do though. Because she's connected in some way to someone popular. Whoop-de-do.

   Sunday, September 14, 2003

MUSIC: Indigo Girls - Least Complicated
MOOD: Indifferent

Tears of rage fall down,
Covering my face with shame.
How could you do this to me,
Things will never be the same.

Thought that I'd share a little petition with y'all tonight. Check it out at PetionOnline, and if you find that you agree with it, then by all means add your name. *grumbles* Money grubbing multi-million music companies...*/grumbles*

"So apparently our A-Levels are too easy" is what I've been hearing a lot of these days. Let me set the record straight on the matter, having just done them myself. They bloody well are. I did...*scratches head*...NO work for them, and passed them all with flying colours. In fact, I was only a few marks off straight A's. Frankly, whilst my inherent genius may have something to do with that, it doesn't fully explain it. Make them harder I say.

Missed the Grand Prix this morning, slept in until about 2.30pm. Lethargy is one of my best friends as you may come to notice...

Watched parts of 'Go' last night, Katie Holmes, need I say more? She also has part of that pixie face look which I fall for, I'll dig out a pic of her later to show. *Later* Stuck one in at the bottom of the page, beside my bride-to-be Clare, just so that we can compare them. I think Clare pips Katie at the post though.

Well, it appears that Sweden have voted No in their referendum to join the Euro. I'm still undecided as to my point of view on the matter myself, but one thing is for certain, I would sorely love a referendum on it over here in the UK. It's about time the peoples voice was heard.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore-
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door
" 'T is some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door-
Only this and nothing more."

Yep, that's right, you guessed it, it's an extract from one of my favourite poems, Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Raven'. Because I'm so nice, I even threw in a link over to your right in order for you to peruse the entire masterwork in it's entirety at your leisure.

Just in case your curious, I've been playing a small RPG-ish game recently, called Battles of Tenadia. As far as the game goes, it's pretty simple, it's a play-by-email thing, you set your guy up, he fights in a sim run every night. However, it can get addictive if you let it, and I have quite happily let it. I've even met some nice poeple from it whom I get on with tolerably well, so I count the venture as a success anyway. It does however lead me quite nicely onto my first little debate, friendships over the internet.

Back in the good ol' days, when girls were aplenty and all that, some of were wasting away without a creative outlet like the interent. When I first got hooked up, in Jan 2001, I came to know a few people very well through a game I played online. Nearly 3 years later, they form a core of my friends that I would be hard-pressed to survive without. Of course some drifted on, but the ones with the same interests stayed closer. Now, I'm quite aware there are 'oldies' out there who simply cannot fathom having a friend whom we've never even met. One things for sure though, after over two and a half years, I know some of these online peeps better than I know some of my supposed 'real' friends.

Discovered this little gem today through one of my friends, well worth checking out.
Check it out
Trust me, it's not what it may look like from the outset. :)

   Saturday, September 13, 2003

MUSIC: Natalie Merchant - Jolene
MOOD: Tired. Content.

The engulfing blackness,
That swallows all in it's way.
I've dodged it for too long,
And now I have to pay.

Well, finally got round to create an electronic version of the jumble in my head. Partly for the reason that I can never find a damned pen when I want one, and thankfully my keyboard hasn't yet aquired the habit of losing itself down the side of the sofa.

Sooo much to say, so little time to say it as the saying goes. Only a few weeks to go until I finally head of to University, damn I can't wait, so in the meantime I've been filling my life with exciting activites...such as...well...yes.

Today was a day for sore and tired muscles. Helped dearest father with cutting trees at the bottom of the garden. Well, to be more precise, he chainsawed them and I dragged them away. Damned hard work, although worth it. Thankfully dad, who I'll have to admit is amazingly intelligent, has a limited grasp of economics when it comes to his children, so at £10 an hour I wasn't complaining.

Watched Meet Joe Black on TV, again, and, again, have completely and utterly fallen in love with
Claire Forlani.
She has that...elfin look of some sort of pixie which, quite frankly, makes me want to marry her.

See what I mean? Note - Claire wins by virtue of having some colour in her skin. Katie apparently has anemia in that pic. :) EDIT - People who link images without permission are very bad and should be arrested. haha. I'll find another Katie, never fear.

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